Healing the Mother-Father Wound: My Journey and How You Can Start Yours

The journey to healing my maternal wound pushed me to face some heavy realities about my upbringing—realities I had buried deep within, hoping they'd stay hidden. The first step was reconciling with the fact that the rosy image of parental love I yearned for was never going to be part of my story. My parents, who were supposed to be my first guides in love and protection, instead were the origin of my deepest pain. Growing up, I thought my experience was normal. Forced normalcy and blindness to my pain became my reality, shaping my idea of what was "normal." My mother, who should have been my protector, knew about the traumatic experiences I endured but did a poor job of caring for me. She turned a blind eye to my suffering, leaving me to navigate the trauma on my own. My father, on the other hand, had a warped perception of me. He blurred the sacred bond we should have share. The very people and places meant to protect an innocent child became sources of concern and danger.

Growing up, I was faced with a real-life drama, starring my mother, a woman now wrestling with her own mental health—what some might call karma. She craved the spotlight, was jealous of anyone who stepped into it, and resented any bond that didn't have her at its core. It was draining. If she wasn't center stage, I was painted as the black sheep—the excuse for her missed obligations and deadlines. This twisted narrative fueled the dysfunction in our relationship. It took me years to see that the woman who was supposed to love me without condition was, in reality, my competitor.

Both of my parents are still living, but beyond acknowledging their existence, we no longer have a relationship. I’ve reached a place where I no longer grieve those connections. Instead, I’ve chosen to put my energy into building healthy relationships with my children, teaching them the importance of boundaries, and protecting them in ways I was never protected.

Breaking the Cycle of Abuse

Recognizing that my past abuse didn't define me was like breaking free from shackles. For the longest time, I was stuck in the role of the neglected and abused kid, thinking that was my lot in life. But healing is about taking control of our narratives, reshaping them to celebrate our strength and resilience, not our trauma.

Just because my parents failed to show me the love I deserved doesn’t mean I am unworthy of that love. Their neglect and cruelty were reflections of their own unresolved issues, not a measure of my value. I had to break free from the notion that my worth was tied to the way they treated me. I realized that the little girl they neglected doesn’t have to stay stuck in that place of pain. She can grow, she can bloom, and she can become everything they never allowed her to be.

Embracing Holistic Healing and Personal Growth

Being a seasoned guide in the healing arts, I understand that healing isn't just about facing our pain - it involves a vibe check that encompasses the mind, body, and soul. I've been on this personal journey, immersing myself in self-reflection, therapy, and a spiritual grind that's allowed me to peel back the layers of my scars and rebuild from the ground up.

One of the most powerful tools in my healing arsenal has been self-compassion. I had to learn to be gentle with myself, to forgive myself for the things I once thought were my fault but were never truly within my control.  This self-compassion extended to understanding that my parents were also products of their own traumas. Their inability to love me the way I needed wasn’t because I was unlovable, but because they were incapable of giving what they didn’t possess.

Listen, I get it. The constant hustle, it can be overwhelming. But let me tell you a secret, I found my sanctuary in the simplest of things. A quiet moment of meditation in my favorite nook, pouring my soul onto the pages of my old journal, basking in the sunlight at the park. These tiny moments, they were my rock. They reminded me, healing isn't a sprint, it's a marathon. It requires patience, grit, and most importantly, a whole lot of self-love.  And if you're wondering, yes, it's absolutely okay to embark on that healing journey. It's okay to give yourself the love you deserve.

Protecting My Children: The Lioness in Me

As a Leo, the lioness energy is something I embody deeply in my parenting. Just as a lioness fiercely protects her cubs, I protect my children with everything I have. My childhood taught me what it means to be vulnerable and unprotected, and I vowed never to let my children experience that same pain. My energy is focused on building healthy, loving relationships with them, teaching them the value of boundaries, and ensuring they grow up in an environment where they feel safe and cherished.

Lions are known for their courage, strength, and protective nature, especially when it comes to their pride. The lioness, in particular, is the true warrior, leading the hunt and defending her cubs with unmatched ferocity. In many ways, this mirrors my approach to motherhood. My children are my pride, and I will go to great lengths to protect them from the harm I endured. I strive to give them the nurturing, love, and security I never received, ensuring they know their worth and teaching them to set boundaries that honor their well-being.

In breaking the cycle of abuse, I’ve created a new legacy for my children—one built on love, respect, and protection.  My role as a mother is the most sacred to me, and I take it as seriously as the lioness does her role in the pride.

Actionable Steps to Begin Your Healing Journey

If you’re struggling with the mother-father wound, know that you’re not alone, and healing is within your reach. Here are some steps to help you start your journey:

1. Acknowledge the Pain:  The first step in healing is recognizing and accepting the pain. It’s okay to admit that your parents hurt you. This acknowledgment is crucial for moving forward.

2. Reframe Your Narrative:  Your parents’ inability to love you the way you deserved is not a reflection of your worth. Begin to rewrite your story, focusing on your strength, resilience, and the love you can cultivate within yourself.

3. Seek Support: Healing doesn’t have to be done in isolation. Consider working with a therapist or a holistic healing practitioner who can guide you through the process. Group therapy or support groups can also provide a sense of community and validation.

4.Practice Self-Compassion: Be gentle with yourself. Healing is a process, and it’s okay to take it one step at a time. Treat yourself with the kindness and love you may not have received from your parents.

5. Develop Healing Rituals: Incorporate practices like meditation, journaling, or spending time in nature into your daily routine. These rituals can help you stay grounded and connected to your healing journey.

6. Set Boundaries: Protect your peace by setting clear boundaries with your parents, especially if they continue to be toxic or abusive. You have the right to create a safe space for yourself.

7. Cultivate a Supportive Community: Surround yourself with people who uplift and support you. Building a community of like-minded individuals can provide the love and acceptance you may have lacked growing up.

Conclusion: A New Beginning

Mending the wounds from our parents ain't no walk in the park, but trust me, it's doable. It's about you showing up for yourself, ready to face the hurt, and brave enough to rewrite your story. Just 'cause your parents didn't show you the love you deserved, don't mean you ain't worth the love you yearn for. You've got the power to heal, flourish, and become the person you were always destined to be.
This journey, it's all yours. But don't forget, you ain't gotta walk it alone.

Healing—it's right there, arms reach, and it begins with you.